Well, here we are. Two weeks on since I last wrote, and one week on since when I was due to write again but didn’t due to the fact I was busy, away, out of service / not on wifi – and simply was otherwise happily preoccupied.
My memory isn’t always the greatest so I’m struggling to think what exactly happened in the week before last. Monday was disgustingly cold, wet and windy – it felt like Winter yet it was mid Spring. I’d set myself some goals and was keen to stick to them so still went out to walk. I was keen to test my new waterproof jacket, which worked a total treat. Windsor was absolutely saturated and so was my lower half – but the top, very nicely warm and dry.
Tuesday. Yep, can’t remember. Need to check my phone for any pics to see if anything jogs my mind. Basically the week consisted of lots of walking, reading, attempting to alter my mindset, trying to get in a bit more walking, coffee, and random jobs or driving errands. I’d had another blood test to see if my iron was improving, taking increased dosage and feeling the effects of it. One of the evenings I went to do a little walk around the field but ended up walking to two villages, saved a little shrew, found a tiger and yeah, just enjoyed being amidst the landscape.
Wednesday we’d been in to Norwich for some jobs, and also went to check out the Castle again too. I’d been a couple of years ago, and my energy was way down so I was doing my best to appreciate what I could. A fair amount was similar. It’s a great and informative place, and no the 3,000 year old mummy hadn’t changed. We did discover the wildlife and local geography sections which I’d never been into before. It reminded me of some other places I’d seen in Paris and Scotland as well.
I’d had a really good week as a whole. Accomplishing little goals and in a better headspace. Things were looking up. Saturday I was due to go away for a couple of nights. Whilst packing my things on Saturday afternoon though I was overwhelmed with anxiety in my chest. I hadn’t realised how bad it was until I went downstairs and could hardly speak. I was upset for a long time, fighting my mind and very nearly bailed on the plans. I knew it would pass, but this somehow felt different.
There are always some apprehensions when it comes to change, and the way its seems at the moment is with a weaker body, as soon as there’s a slip of the mind it just slides. Riding the waves isn’t easy, and I think I felt worse having had such a good week that it really came over me in an unexpected manner. Really appreciate the support I have here though with my family. Truly. I went up to try and rest, collect my thoughts type thing. After some time I felt okay enough. Dad and Chaz said they’d drive me over to my Aunt and Uncle’s stunning farm in North Norfolk, about an hour away. I was still pretty tense and even upon arrival Ros checked to see if I wanted to stay or not. I said I would. I wasn’t actually sure I was going to get through, but knew I had to try, and that things should improve. Having made the commitment earlier in the week I really didn’t want to go back on my word. I put a lot of pressure on myself, and it generally works out for the best, just needs time. I took a deep breathe and continued on, ultimately having a really fantastic weekend.
Ros and Larry had a couple of lovely friends visiting, Maria and Patrick, whom I’d met a couple of years ago in Winter time. It was great to see them again, particularly with glorious Spring sunshine to light everything up each day. The last time we were all there was when I’d returned to England after breaking down in Europe from my PTSD after Paris. I’d lost my entire identity basically, my essence and any ability to travel. I’d needed to return home, to a safe space, people I knew – to what was familiar. I can recall when we were all there I’d freak out at noises and movements there, and in the tiny seaside town of Blakeney. I’d lost all rationality and was struggling to deal. It was beautiful to sit and reflect on how much things have improved since then.
Our weekend was so nice. I was mostly helping out as an extra set of hands – prepping, cooking and cleaning; renamed to the little kitchen fairy. Lots of time with the animals, walking about the woods, seaside Blakeney and along the beach at Wells too Asparagus adventures, river dance performances, pond clear outs and other random bits and pieces too. All sorts of conversation, and an incredible amount of time in the sunshine absorbing all the most beautiful rays. I started reading a book a friend gifted me last August. I’ve carried it everywhere with me since but always struggled to pick it up. I’ll finish it tonight. Such a stunning message and a book well worth a read when the time is right. I’ve started noticing synchronicity signs again, and yeah – I think the whole weekend of helping out along with some R&R was well embraced.
In the end I was away for four days – with a total digital detox in that time, only using my phone for the occasional photo, video or the time. Loved it.
When you find the time, and when the time is right, allow yourself to bathe n the beautiful message within the pages of The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield.
So where am I? Tuesday I think it was when I came back into Norwich and back to Stokesby. The sun was still shining so I found the sun lounger here and continued to bake and read for the remainder of the afternoon. The day was glorious so we wandered down to the Pop for a drink by the river in the late sun, before ending up staying for dinner.
Loved the sun this week, and on Wednesday it continued on – more resting, reflecting, making daisy chains, fixing gazebos, further enjoyment of the peace in the pause. I’ve been looking at work exchanges on and off again for a while now, unsure of where to go and what to do exactly, but also trying to work out some plans for the upcoming month.
I think it was Thursday evening I watched a movie on TV. I rarely watch the square box or manage to be awake that late, but it was called A Walk In The Woods, based on the book by Bill Bryson. Very easy to watch and the scenery had me pining for the mountains, increasing my excitement to be heading back.
Friday and Saturday we spent time in Norwich, jobs, wandering, riverside walks, coffee, cake, more coffee, deliberating over decisions, discussions, public performances, the works. Really nice just getting a chance to spend time with my family, hanging out with my brother in Norwich like we used to last year when I was working here.
Today is Sunday. I keep forgetting what day it is. I never did find my watch, and days kind of pass from one to the other. I can’t believe it’s the 13th of May already. Nine years ago I was packing my bag for a one-way flight to England and no idea of what my future had instore for me. May 16, 2009. A date I’ll never forget. I’ve got to start packing again soon, and I don’t think I’m going to take my laptop with me, so again this may end up being the last blog in a while – unless I work out how I can do this on my phone. Doubt I’d manage to write so much though. It’s basically waffle anyway so doesn’t really matter so much.
But yeah, basically have the next five weeks sorted out with a few different adventures and happenings. Haven’t had plans like that for quite a while. Months really. It’s going to be sad to leave my family again. It’s always nice spending time together, enjoying and sharing moments. But life is for living, and we know we’ll be together somewhere soon as well. Plus I’ve got to be back in July for a big summer party. 50 years since Grandma and Stanley purchased this place. 50 years my Grandma has owned her home, 50 years since my Mum and her siblings moved here (9 that “Mum’s room” has become “my room” haha). Well worth a celebration.
At the same time I can’t wait to soon be returning to the most beautiful patch (and more) of this big wide world where my body shakes my soul to its’ core and feels ever so alive. So much so I struggle to describe it with anything else but a super smile that spreads across my face just at the thought of it. My third home. My soul’s home.